Let me tell you a little story.
That night, at the corner, somewhere in this capital city,
that's when I met her. I look through her eyes. I peeked into her window of
soul. I see something broken inside, yet it feels so beautiful. I don't know
why. Even when she tries to hide it, she can't. Because eyes don't lie.
All in my life, I always hate if something is perfect. For
me, if it's already perfect, then there's no room for creation anymore. Thus
will be boring, stagnate. Death is more entertaining than meeting with this so
called condition.
But this is not the case about something is perfect or not.
This is just about feelings that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. This is
about hope and helplessness.
She mesmerized me. Never have I seen before the soul which
continuously seeking truth in such ways. A mind full of fighting spirit. Remind
me of my past self. My long lost past self. My naivety.
Even dimmed lights back then had no effect. And I kept
looking at her. All night long, until she's gone. Taking a step out, going
home, to where she belongs. I can only guess.
Dear Almighty, my lovely Lord. Why art thou create misery
while secretly we're craving for it in ecstasy?
She's a beaut, no doubt about that. Just when I was off
guard, destiny toyed with me again. I lost without a fight. It turns out to be
that I'm still weak and I hate it. The more I gaze into her eyes, the more I'm
trapped inside this mystery. It kept bugging me, on and on and on.
I don't know if I'm ready or not. But time goes by and I
must keep moving forward. Or else, the ticking sound from the clock, the
beating pulse in my heart, will cease before I start.
What makes me suddenly attracted to her? I don't know. I
don't care. I just want to spend more time with her. One night isn't enough. I
want all the time in the world.
That moment still imprinted vividly into my head, like a
film that refused to be stopped, always replaying again and again. The more I
try to forget, the more it takes over me. I'm very weak against things like
this. Her shoes, her legging, her waist, her shirt, her
ring, her fingers, her hands, her shoulders, her neck, her lips, her ears, her hair, her cheeks, her nose, her eyes... her lovely eyes.
That eyes, that broken soul. I crave. I want to know more about the secrets that are hiding behind it.
I know I can't fix her. No one can, except her own self. But
to lost a rare beaut like that is just stupid and I can't afford another stupid
mistake anymore.
Why god creates trauma? Why? Is it our nature to identify
danger with it? Or is it just another sick sense of humor from the Source of
All Beings? Are we bound to deny something that's been a failure to us? Thus
hopefully will make us smarter not to repeat the same mistake again in the
future?
But, alas! I'm just a normal human being who loves to make
mistakes. So please kindly enlighten me.
There's something strange with her, yet I'm comfortable with
it. There's a monster hiding deep within her hearts, I know it. I just know it.
Maybe because similar species always attracted to each other. Birds with the
same feather will flocks together. Just another stupid rule from the Alpha.
How should I do with this situation? I'm ensnared... fuck.
Like a Cochliomyia hominivorax
landing its sticky feet on a Dionaea
muscipula. Silently its life fading away, only to be accompanied by
one silence clap. Elegantly crushed.
That night, her eyes, that lovely eyes, the eyes that narrate
her vacant desires. She wants to be alone, enjoy her lone time. We all know too
well that everyone need to be alone but no one wants to be lonely. Because
lonely is crueler than death itself. Death is just an end, but loneliness is an
endless loop.
The gap within her heart... I can only pray. Sincerely.
If destiny well played this one, maybe we can meet again. If
not, then I must deal with all of this by myself.
Let me close this little rant story with a quote:
"I can't sleep until I devour you."
Good night and have a pleasant nightmare.
